The Morning Was Beautiful
----- The morning was beautiful the day she left. But it was cold and cloudy the first night I spent without her. During the light hours of the day there were friends to occupy the thoughts of my mind. However, along with the darkness of night came this lonely, empty feeling inside.
----- As I lay here, arms and feelings unused, “Where was the turning point, why should we have to choose,” I think out loud. How could the laws of nature allow such a natural relationship to fade??? Ah, an obstacle!!! Is it possible, could Nature have overlooked??? No… But maybe, just maybe, I wonder??? I wonder if there’s a chance, a rare possibility to have a relationship, or feelings for someone that would be so natural,,, Naaa. Perhaps though, just perhaps. So natural that it wouldn’t be normal??? Normal, what’s normal??? Normal is,,, man I got to be going crazy!!!
----- Should my chain of thought wonder why and what or rather what and why? What did I do wrong??? why did she leave??? I should ask HER, YES, I should. I should question HER about these doubts I have imprinted on my brain. Maybe I’ve been drinking too much to think clearly. But the things she said, no,,, not the things she said,,, more then the way she expressed what she said.
----- Oh Lord the silence. The silence is,,, is deafening. It is actually deafening. I catch myself thinking out loud, “There’s nothing left, it’s all gone, all over with.” I know we had a lot of bad times but for God’s sake, the few good times we shared were by far more superior and dominating then all the bad times and agony in the world. I should have said something. I should have asked,,, HELL, I should have begged her to stay.
----- I have to stop all this. I have to stop thinking. Close my eyes. What use is it to close eyes when the mind is still open? She used to take these to help her sleep. Oh well, what’s good enough for her is good enough for me. I guess two ought to be sufficient with all the beer I’ve been drinking.
----- BEG I said. I can’t believe it. Why SHOULD I? Why should I lower myself to a degree of a peasant, kneeling before his queen??? No, stop. This is all wrong. I’m in the wrong frame of mind. I shouldn’t blame her for MY blindness, for My faults. After all she was only being honest. I should thank her. Ha, ironic, how could I possibly thank her,,, I love her too much. Well, no good giving up, I’ll again find a reason to believe.
----- Is it, no it couldn’t be. My mind must be playing tricks on me. Yes! That must be it.
----- So very deep in me, so badly I want her to be near me, to hold me. To whisper the words she knows so well to make me feel alive again.
----- I could have sworn I heard a knock, the knock, her knock. No, it couldn’t be, my mind MUST be playing tricks on me. OH, but that’s it! That’s the answer! I knew I would again find a reason to believe. Her knock, I’ll believe in her knock. Believe her knock WILL come and she WILL return to me. Her willpower, her spirit, her, her,,, her determination not to rejoin was very strong indeed. No,,, she’ll never change her mind.
----- I thought two would be sufficient to help me rest and to ease my pain. But it’s been hours sense I swallowed the last two, not to mention the hours of time which have past between them and the first two. And still, sleep refuses to rescue me from this endless arguing. With myself no less.
----- I think about the times we shared her and I. It appears to be a long time gone. Well I know it’s GONE for sure. But has it really been that long. During the light hours of the day there were friends to occupy the thoughts of my mind. Yes, occupied my thoughts so completely my memory cannot recall when I last had her with me, held her or called her mine. However, I do remember one thing in particular.----- The morning was beautiful the day she left.
----- Again the knock. The knock sounds so real. It must be her coming home. I couldn’t have possibly imagined the same identical sound, couldn’t possibly have mistaken the so familiar knock on the door. Da Javu, that’s it, an illusion, I’m actually imagining her knock like I have so many times before. Her knock WILL come and she WILL return to me. Believe it, I must. I simply must have a reason to believe. But, no, impossible, wrong again. She’ll NEVER change her mind.
----- Last two. Might as well indulge. If this doesn’t do the trick I’ll just put the idea out of my mind and wait to calliopes from complete exhaustion and frustration. Frustration ??? Where did that come from ??? One thing is certain, if I don’t go insane first, I surely will again find a reason to believe. Man! I just GOT to be going crazy.
----- I could never imagine, not even in my innermost thoughts, not even now, how a person could possibly fall so deeply in love that they would allow their emotions to over rule their reasoning. Would deny their brain the right to have power and control over their heart. I’ve heard and I’ve been told by many a wise men that love is the root of all evil. But how could one of man’s strongest, most treasured, most desired and most sought after emotion have any connection with evil? No, I refuse to accept it. I believe that a man must love in order to be loved and in return he must be loved in order to give love. Perhaps it’s the absence of love which is the root of all evil.
----- Absence of love is my present condition. So where is this so called evil??? Is it within me??? Where is this mysterious dark cloud??? Should I run and hide in the shadows??? What would I hide from??? Hide from this lonely, empty feeling inside me??? Is this the evil that comes with the absence or love??? How could one escape such a penetrating force??? If this is to last, it’s the worst evil which could be bestowed upon me. To live the rest of my life without ever loving or being loved again.
----- This time I’m positive. It’s not my imagination. It’s her for sure, I know it. All my doubts are gone, she has come home. It IS her knock. Not even with all her will and determination was she able to stay completely clear.
----- The question now is WHY has she returned??? Has she come for my benefit or has she come for her own satisfaction in order to witness the damage she has caused by departing??? Is it possible that this was all just a test??? She had no right to treat me like some type of toy to be experimented with before being handed over to a child at Christmas time.
----- ENOUGH of all this endless arguing and questioning. Why should I continue any longer when all the answers are as close to me as the door way???
YES ENOUGH. The time as arrived. I must let her in. She’s come home. This is the only real important matter for the time being. I love her and I must be held by her, must have her near me and must heart her whisper in my ear the words she knows so well to make me feel alive again.
----- Strange!!! For the first time sense our relationship began that I have finally admitted my true feelings toward her. At least to myself. Never to her. I do without a doubt love her. If I could have just told her all these feelings I have for her. But I didn’t. I must let her in and let her know what’s on my mind.
----- Why can I not move??? Why can I not budge to let in my true love??? She’s been knocking for such a long period of time. It was not my imagination but her all along. Her knock is getting louder, more tense. So why can I not move towards that door, to clearer skis. The realization is too unreal to except. Forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused you I didn’t mean to do this. I didn't deliberately plan this out come.
No words whispered now could make me feel alive again. I’m beyond words, however my wisdom is greater then it ever was or ever will be. Please forgive me.
----- The morning was beautiful the day he left.
Dedicated To The Experienced
By Peter Collins
----- The morning was beautiful the day she left. But it was cold and cloudy the first night I spent without her. During the light hours of the day there were friends to occupy the thoughts of my mind. However, along with the darkness of night came this lonely, empty feeling inside.
----- As I lay here, arms and feelings unused, “Where was the turning point, why should we have to choose,” I think out loud. How could the laws of nature allow such a natural relationship to fade??? Ah, an obstacle!!! Is it possible, could Nature have overlooked??? No… But maybe, just maybe, I wonder??? I wonder if there’s a chance, a rare possibility to have a relationship, or feelings for someone that would be so natural,,, Naaa. Perhaps though, just perhaps. So natural that it wouldn’t be normal??? Normal, what’s normal??? Normal is,,, man I got to be going crazy!!!
----- Should my chain of thought wonder why and what or rather what and why? What did I do wrong??? why did she leave??? I should ask HER, YES, I should. I should question HER about these doubts I have imprinted on my brain. Maybe I’ve been drinking too much to think clearly. But the things she said, no,,, not the things she said,,, more then the way she expressed what she said.
----- Oh Lord the silence. The silence is,,, is deafening. It is actually deafening. I catch myself thinking out loud, “There’s nothing left, it’s all gone, all over with.” I know we had a lot of bad times but for God’s sake, the few good times we shared were by far more superior and dominating then all the bad times and agony in the world. I should have said something. I should have asked,,, HELL, I should have begged her to stay.
----- I have to stop all this. I have to stop thinking. Close my eyes. What use is it to close eyes when the mind is still open? She used to take these to help her sleep. Oh well, what’s good enough for her is good enough for me. I guess two ought to be sufficient with all the beer I’ve been drinking.
----- BEG I said. I can’t believe it. Why SHOULD I? Why should I lower myself to a degree of a peasant, kneeling before his queen??? No, stop. This is all wrong. I’m in the wrong frame of mind. I shouldn’t blame her for MY blindness, for My faults. After all she was only being honest. I should thank her. Ha, ironic, how could I possibly thank her,,, I love her too much. Well, no good giving up, I’ll again find a reason to believe.
----- Is it, no it couldn’t be. My mind must be playing tricks on me. Yes! That must be it.
----- So very deep in me, so badly I want her to be near me, to hold me. To whisper the words she knows so well to make me feel alive again.
----- I could have sworn I heard a knock, the knock, her knock. No, it couldn’t be, my mind MUST be playing tricks on me. OH, but that’s it! That’s the answer! I knew I would again find a reason to believe. Her knock, I’ll believe in her knock. Believe her knock WILL come and she WILL return to me. Her willpower, her spirit, her, her,,, her determination not to rejoin was very strong indeed. No,,, she’ll never change her mind.
----- I thought two would be sufficient to help me rest and to ease my pain. But it’s been hours sense I swallowed the last two, not to mention the hours of time which have past between them and the first two. And still, sleep refuses to rescue me from this endless arguing. With myself no less.
----- I think about the times we shared her and I. It appears to be a long time gone. Well I know it’s GONE for sure. But has it really been that long. During the light hours of the day there were friends to occupy the thoughts of my mind. Yes, occupied my thoughts so completely my memory cannot recall when I last had her with me, held her or called her mine. However, I do remember one thing in particular.----- The morning was beautiful the day she left.
----- Again the knock. The knock sounds so real. It must be her coming home. I couldn’t have possibly imagined the same identical sound, couldn’t possibly have mistaken the so familiar knock on the door. Da Javu, that’s it, an illusion, I’m actually imagining her knock like I have so many times before. Her knock WILL come and she WILL return to me. Believe it, I must. I simply must have a reason to believe. But, no, impossible, wrong again. She’ll NEVER change her mind.
----- Last two. Might as well indulge. If this doesn’t do the trick I’ll just put the idea out of my mind and wait to calliopes from complete exhaustion and frustration. Frustration ??? Where did that come from ??? One thing is certain, if I don’t go insane first, I surely will again find a reason to believe. Man! I just GOT to be going crazy.
----- I could never imagine, not even in my innermost thoughts, not even now, how a person could possibly fall so deeply in love that they would allow their emotions to over rule their reasoning. Would deny their brain the right to have power and control over their heart. I’ve heard and I’ve been told by many a wise men that love is the root of all evil. But how could one of man’s strongest, most treasured, most desired and most sought after emotion have any connection with evil? No, I refuse to accept it. I believe that a man must love in order to be loved and in return he must be loved in order to give love. Perhaps it’s the absence of love which is the root of all evil.
----- Absence of love is my present condition. So where is this so called evil??? Is it within me??? Where is this mysterious dark cloud??? Should I run and hide in the shadows??? What would I hide from??? Hide from this lonely, empty feeling inside me??? Is this the evil that comes with the absence or love??? How could one escape such a penetrating force??? If this is to last, it’s the worst evil which could be bestowed upon me. To live the rest of my life without ever loving or being loved again.
----- This time I’m positive. It’s not my imagination. It’s her for sure, I know it. All my doubts are gone, she has come home. It IS her knock. Not even with all her will and determination was she able to stay completely clear.
----- The question now is WHY has she returned??? Has she come for my benefit or has she come for her own satisfaction in order to witness the damage she has caused by departing??? Is it possible that this was all just a test??? She had no right to treat me like some type of toy to be experimented with before being handed over to a child at Christmas time.
----- ENOUGH of all this endless arguing and questioning. Why should I continue any longer when all the answers are as close to me as the door way???
YES ENOUGH. The time as arrived. I must let her in. She’s come home. This is the only real important matter for the time being. I love her and I must be held by her, must have her near me and must heart her whisper in my ear the words she knows so well to make me feel alive again.
----- Strange!!! For the first time sense our relationship began that I have finally admitted my true feelings toward her. At least to myself. Never to her. I do without a doubt love her. If I could have just told her all these feelings I have for her. But I didn’t. I must let her in and let her know what’s on my mind.
----- Why can I not move??? Why can I not budge to let in my true love??? She’s been knocking for such a long period of time. It was not my imagination but her all along. Her knock is getting louder, more tense. So why can I not move towards that door, to clearer skis. The realization is too unreal to except. Forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused you I didn’t mean to do this. I didn't deliberately plan this out come.
No words whispered now could make me feel alive again. I’m beyond words, however my wisdom is greater then it ever was or ever will be. Please forgive me.
----- The morning was beautiful the day he left.
Dedicated To The Experienced
By Peter Collins
WOW, ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF YOUR WORK. I MUST ADMIT TO YOU THAT THIS PIECE MAKES ME HAPPY AND SAD AT THE SAME TIME. HAPPY TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE SO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO. SAD TO KNOW THAT I NEVER KNEW THIS SIDE OF YOU. YES, FOR A WHILE I WAS VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU, VIETNAM, YOU COMING HOME AND NOT BEING THE SAME PERSON THAT LEFT, YOUR MOTOCYCLE ACCIDENT, KNOWING YOU WERE DRINKING TO MUCH AMOUNG OTHER THINGS BUT AGAIN I HAVE TO SAY THAT ALL CHANGED WHEN CHERYL CAME INTO YOUR LIFE. DO YOU ALSO THING THAT SHE BECAME YOUR SALVATION? I WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THESE WRITINGS A LONG TIME AGO MAYBE JUST MAYBE I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO HELP. FOR THIS I'M SORRY! I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU AS A BROTHER AND MOST OF ALL AS A FRIEND, A VERY CLOSE FRIEND. BUT I KNEW I WAS NOT THE ONE TO HELP THAT GOD WOULD HAVE TO SEND SOMEONE ELSE IN YOUR LIFE TO DO THIS AND I THINK HE ANSWERED OUR PRAYS.
ReplyDeleteKEEP THE WRITINGS COMING. I LOVE THEM AND REALLY HELPING ME TO UNDERSTAND, ESPECIALLY THIS ONE!
I LOVE YOU BROTHER AND FRIEND!
RONNIE
OH, BY THE WAY, PETE, TELL CHEYL TO HAVE A GOOD TIME IN LAS VEGAS. HOPE SHE AND ALEENA HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME AND WE WILL BE PRAYING FOR THEM AND THAT THEY BOTH HAVE SAFE TRIPS!
ReplyDeleteL U
RONNIE
nice, really nice, glad the end is fiction!
ReplyDeleteour lives wouldn't be the same without you!
love,
Lilly the great (no matter what ya'll say)
Great writing Pete! But, it makes me wonder......who was the girl?? Was she fiction also??? Man, I miss Jim Barry. When was the last time you saw or spoke to him? I think the last time I saw him and his family was at Paul and Jeanine's house when they still lived in Lafayette. Loooooong time agoooo!
ReplyDeleteGott go get some work done!
Love ya all and you too Lilly the Great! Lilly the Great! Lilly the Great! You right Pete, just can't get used to it. Anyway, I have the solution. Who in our family calls Lil, Lilly. We all call you Lil, Lil. So why can't we just keep calling you Lil and call Baby Lillian, Lilly! Lil Lil.......Na.......Just doesn't sound the same as DeeDee, GalGal, MaeMae, Tata and Nanet. I think it's the too many LLLL's.
Bye....Rosie
I learn something new about you everytime I come to your blog! I have always thought of you as the quiet one of the bunch, but maybe you weren't! I so appreciate learning so much about you and your wonderous deeds your have done in your life!
ReplyDeleteI have lots of writings myself, and maybe In need to share them too. We need to put all these writings together and write a best sellor!! I think that would be awesome. We have alot of very talented and motivational writers in this family.
Thanks again!
Tie