The Morning Was Beautiful
----- The morning was beautiful the day she left. But it was cold and cloudy the first night I spent without her. During the light hours of the day there were friends to occupy the thoughts of my mind. However, along with the darkness of night came this lonely, empty feeling inside.
----- As I lay here, arms and feelings unused, “Where was the turning point, why should we have to choose,” I think out loud. How could the laws of nature allow such a natural relationship to fade??? Ah, an obstacle!!! Is it possible, could Nature have overlooked??? No… But maybe, just maybe, I wonder??? I wonder if there’s a chance, a rare possibility to have a relationship, or feelings for someone that would be so natural,,, Naaa. Perhaps though, just perhaps. So natural that it wouldn’t be normal??? Normal, what’s normal??? Normal is,,, man I got to be going crazy!!!
----- Should my chain of thought wonder why and what or rather what and why? What did I do wrong??? why did she leave??? I should ask HER, YES, I should. I should question HER about these doubts I have imprinted on my brain. Maybe I’ve been drinking too much to think clearly. But the things she said, no,,, not the things she said,,, more then the way she expressed what she said.
----- Oh Lord the silence. The silence is,,, is deafening. It is actually deafening. I catch myself thinking out loud, “There’s nothing left, it’s all gone, all over with.” I know we had a lot of bad times but for God’s sake, the few good times we shared were by far more superior and dominating then all the bad times and agony in the world. I should have said something. I should have asked,,, HELL, I should have begged her to stay.
----- I have to stop all this. I have to stop thinking. Close my eyes. What use is it to close eyes when the mind is still open? She used to take these to help her sleep. Oh well, what’s good enough for her is good enough for me. I guess two ought to be sufficient with all the beer I’ve been drinking.
----- BEG I said. I can’t believe it. Why SHOULD I? Why should I lower myself to a degree of a peasant, kneeling before his queen??? No, stop. This is all wrong. I’m in the wrong frame of mind. I shouldn’t blame her for MY blindness, for My faults. After all she was only being honest. I should thank her. Ha, ironic, how could I possibly thank her,,, I love her too much. Well, no good giving up, I’ll again find a reason to believe.
----- Is it, no it couldn’t be. My mind must be playing tricks on me. Yes! That must be it.
----- So very deep in me, so badly I want her to be near me, to hold me. To whisper the words she knows so well to make me feel alive again.
----- I could have sworn I heard a knock, the knock, her knock. No, it couldn’t be, my mind MUST be playing tricks on me. OH, but that’s it! That’s the answer! I knew I would again find a reason to believe. Her knock, I’ll believe in her knock. Believe her knock WILL come and she WILL return to me. Her willpower, her spirit, her, her,,, her determination not to rejoin was very strong indeed. No,,, she’ll never change her mind.
----- I thought two would be sufficient to help me rest and to ease my pain. But it’s been hours sense I swallowed the last two, not to mention the hours of time which have past between them and the first two. And still, sleep refuses to rescue me from this endless arguing. With myself no less.
----- I think about the times we shared her and I. It appears to be a long time gone. Well I know it’s GONE for sure. But has it really been that long. During the light hours of the day there were friends to occupy the thoughts of my mind. Yes, occupied my thoughts so completely my memory cannot recall when I last had her with me, held her or called her mine. However, I do remember one thing in particular.----- The morning was beautiful the day she left.
----- Again the knock. The knock sounds so real. It must be her coming home. I couldn’t have possibly imagined the same identical sound, couldn’t possibly have mistaken the so familiar knock on the door. Da Javu, that’s it, an illusion, I’m actually imagining her knock like I have so many times before. Her knock WILL come and she WILL return to me. Believe it, I must. I simply must have a reason to believe. But, no, impossible, wrong again. She’ll NEVER change her mind.
----- Last two. Might as well indulge. If this doesn’t do the trick I’ll just put the idea out of my mind and wait to calliopes from complete exhaustion and frustration. Frustration ??? Where did that come from ??? One thing is certain, if I don’t go insane first, I surely will again find a reason to believe. Man! I just GOT to be going crazy.
----- I could never imagine, not even in my innermost thoughts, not even now, how a person could possibly fall so deeply in love that they would allow their emotions to over rule their reasoning. Would deny their brain the right to have power and control over their heart. I’ve heard and I’ve been told by many a wise men that love is the root of all evil. But how could one of man’s strongest, most treasured, most desired and most sought after emotion have any connection with evil? No, I refuse to accept it. I believe that a man must love in order to be loved and in return he must be loved in order to give love. Perhaps it’s the absence of love which is the root of all evil.
----- Absence of love is my present condition. So where is this so called evil??? Is it within me??? Where is this mysterious dark cloud??? Should I run and hide in the shadows??? What would I hide from??? Hide from this lonely, empty feeling inside me??? Is this the evil that comes with the absence or love??? How could one escape such a penetrating force??? If this is to last, it’s the worst evil which could be bestowed upon me. To live the rest of my life without ever loving or being loved again.
----- This time I’m positive. It’s not my imagination. It’s her for sure, I know it. All my doubts are gone, she has come home. It IS her knock. Not even with all her will and determination was she able to stay completely clear.
----- The question now is WHY has she returned??? Has she come for my benefit or has she come for her own satisfaction in order to witness the damage she has caused by departing??? Is it possible that this was all just a test??? She had no right to treat me like some type of toy to be experimented with before being handed over to a child at Christmas time.
----- ENOUGH of all this endless arguing and questioning. Why should I continue any longer when all the answers are as close to me as the door way???
YES ENOUGH. The time as arrived. I must let her in. She’s come home. This is the only real important matter for the time being. I love her and I must be held by her, must have her near me and must heart her whisper in my ear the words she knows so well to make me feel alive again.
----- Strange!!! For the first time sense our relationship began that I have finally admitted my true feelings toward her. At least to myself. Never to her. I do without a doubt love her. If I could have just told her all these feelings I have for her. But I didn’t. I must let her in and let her know what’s on my mind.
----- Why can I not move??? Why can I not budge to let in my true love??? She’s been knocking for such a long period of time. It was not my imagination but her all along. Her knock is getting louder, more tense. So why can I not move towards that door, to clearer skis. The realization is too unreal to except. Forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused you I didn’t mean to do this. I didn't deliberately plan this out come.
No words whispered now could make me feel alive again. I’m beyond words, however my wisdom is greater then it ever was or ever will be. Please forgive me.
----- The morning was beautiful the day he left.
Dedicated To The Experienced
By Peter Collins
----- The morning was beautiful the day she left. But it was cold and cloudy the first night I spent without her. During the light hours of the day there were friends to occupy the thoughts of my mind. However, along with the darkness of night came this lonely, empty feeling inside.
----- As I lay here, arms and feelings unused, “Where was the turning point, why should we have to choose,” I think out loud. How could the laws of nature allow such a natural relationship to fade??? Ah, an obstacle!!! Is it possible, could Nature have overlooked??? No… But maybe, just maybe, I wonder??? I wonder if there’s a chance, a rare possibility to have a relationship, or feelings for someone that would be so natural,,, Naaa. Perhaps though, just perhaps. So natural that it wouldn’t be normal??? Normal, what’s normal??? Normal is,,, man I got to be going crazy!!!
----- Should my chain of thought wonder why and what or rather what and why? What did I do wrong??? why did she leave??? I should ask HER, YES, I should. I should question HER about these doubts I have imprinted on my brain. Maybe I’ve been drinking too much to think clearly. But the things she said, no,,, not the things she said,,, more then the way she expressed what she said.
----- Oh Lord the silence. The silence is,,, is deafening. It is actually deafening. I catch myself thinking out loud, “There’s nothing left, it’s all gone, all over with.” I know we had a lot of bad times but for God’s sake, the few good times we shared were by far more superior and dominating then all the bad times and agony in the world. I should have said something. I should have asked,,, HELL, I should have begged her to stay.
----- I have to stop all this. I have to stop thinking. Close my eyes. What use is it to close eyes when the mind is still open? She used to take these to help her sleep. Oh well, what’s good enough for her is good enough for me. I guess two ought to be sufficient with all the beer I’ve been drinking.
----- BEG I said. I can’t believe it. Why SHOULD I? Why should I lower myself to a degree of a peasant, kneeling before his queen??? No, stop. This is all wrong. I’m in the wrong frame of mind. I shouldn’t blame her for MY blindness, for My faults. After all she was only being honest. I should thank her. Ha, ironic, how could I possibly thank her,,, I love her too much. Well, no good giving up, I’ll again find a reason to believe.
----- Is it, no it couldn’t be. My mind must be playing tricks on me. Yes! That must be it.
----- So very deep in me, so badly I want her to be near me, to hold me. To whisper the words she knows so well to make me feel alive again.
----- I could have sworn I heard a knock, the knock, her knock. No, it couldn’t be, my mind MUST be playing tricks on me. OH, but that’s it! That’s the answer! I knew I would again find a reason to believe. Her knock, I’ll believe in her knock. Believe her knock WILL come and she WILL return to me. Her willpower, her spirit, her, her,,, her determination not to rejoin was very strong indeed. No,,, she’ll never change her mind.
----- I thought two would be sufficient to help me rest and to ease my pain. But it’s been hours sense I swallowed the last two, not to mention the hours of time which have past between them and the first two. And still, sleep refuses to rescue me from this endless arguing. With myself no less.
----- I think about the times we shared her and I. It appears to be a long time gone. Well I know it’s GONE for sure. But has it really been that long. During the light hours of the day there were friends to occupy the thoughts of my mind. Yes, occupied my thoughts so completely my memory cannot recall when I last had her with me, held her or called her mine. However, I do remember one thing in particular.----- The morning was beautiful the day she left.
----- Again the knock. The knock sounds so real. It must be her coming home. I couldn’t have possibly imagined the same identical sound, couldn’t possibly have mistaken the so familiar knock on the door. Da Javu, that’s it, an illusion, I’m actually imagining her knock like I have so many times before. Her knock WILL come and she WILL return to me. Believe it, I must. I simply must have a reason to believe. But, no, impossible, wrong again. She’ll NEVER change her mind.
----- Last two. Might as well indulge. If this doesn’t do the trick I’ll just put the idea out of my mind and wait to calliopes from complete exhaustion and frustration. Frustration ??? Where did that come from ??? One thing is certain, if I don’t go insane first, I surely will again find a reason to believe. Man! I just GOT to be going crazy.
----- I could never imagine, not even in my innermost thoughts, not even now, how a person could possibly fall so deeply in love that they would allow their emotions to over rule their reasoning. Would deny their brain the right to have power and control over their heart. I’ve heard and I’ve been told by many a wise men that love is the root of all evil. But how could one of man’s strongest, most treasured, most desired and most sought after emotion have any connection with evil? No, I refuse to accept it. I believe that a man must love in order to be loved and in return he must be loved in order to give love. Perhaps it’s the absence of love which is the root of all evil.
----- Absence of love is my present condition. So where is this so called evil??? Is it within me??? Where is this mysterious dark cloud??? Should I run and hide in the shadows??? What would I hide from??? Hide from this lonely, empty feeling inside me??? Is this the evil that comes with the absence or love??? How could one escape such a penetrating force??? If this is to last, it’s the worst evil which could be bestowed upon me. To live the rest of my life without ever loving or being loved again.
----- This time I’m positive. It’s not my imagination. It’s her for sure, I know it. All my doubts are gone, she has come home. It IS her knock. Not even with all her will and determination was she able to stay completely clear.
----- The question now is WHY has she returned??? Has she come for my benefit or has she come for her own satisfaction in order to witness the damage she has caused by departing??? Is it possible that this was all just a test??? She had no right to treat me like some type of toy to be experimented with before being handed over to a child at Christmas time.
----- ENOUGH of all this endless arguing and questioning. Why should I continue any longer when all the answers are as close to me as the door way???
YES ENOUGH. The time as arrived. I must let her in. She’s come home. This is the only real important matter for the time being. I love her and I must be held by her, must have her near me and must heart her whisper in my ear the words she knows so well to make me feel alive again.
----- Strange!!! For the first time sense our relationship began that I have finally admitted my true feelings toward her. At least to myself. Never to her. I do without a doubt love her. If I could have just told her all these feelings I have for her. But I didn’t. I must let her in and let her know what’s on my mind.
----- Why can I not move??? Why can I not budge to let in my true love??? She’s been knocking for such a long period of time. It was not my imagination but her all along. Her knock is getting louder, more tense. So why can I not move towards that door, to clearer skis. The realization is too unreal to except. Forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused you I didn’t mean to do this. I didn't deliberately plan this out come.
No words whispered now could make me feel alive again. I’m beyond words, however my wisdom is greater then it ever was or ever will be. Please forgive me.
----- The morning was beautiful the day he left.
Dedicated To The Experienced
By Peter Collins
